“Hello John, Rick Wagoner here”. “Hey Dog, wazzup”? “Well John, as you probably already know, Alan Mulally, Bob Nardelli, and I will be going down to testify in D.C. this week to see if we can get our butts bailed out of this financial mess”.
“OK, so what can I do for you today Rick”? “Well John, when GM’s board of directors hired you as the Director of Common Sense, they made it mandatory that anyone in the company with a total compensation of $1 million or more per year run everything past you for approval”.
“Well, first of all, how are you planning to get there Rick”? “As usual, I’ll go down there in one of the corporate jets”. “No, I don’t think so Rick”. “What do you mean you don’t think so John”? “Well, yesterday the CFO stopped by my office whining about the cash flow problems. One of the things I told him to do was to sell all our aircraft on EBay and fire the pilots and crew.
“You mean, you mean……”? “That’s right Rick, you’ll have to fly commercial”. “Yikes! I haven’t done that in decades! How does that work these days? Do they still have 1st Class seating”? “Not for you Rick, I’ve already got your tickets. You’ll be sitting in Coach, seat 27-C, just behind the wing. You’ll also have a one hour lay-over in Newark.”
Long pause. “Hello Rick, you still there”? “Yeah John, I’m still here. Is there anything else you want me to do”? “Yeah Rick, listen up. There’s some things I want you to leave behind. Do NOT wear your William Fioravanti suit, or your A.Testoni shoes, or your Dolce & Gabbana silk tie, and shed that Cartier diamond-encrusted watch for Pete’s sake”.
“Now Rick, on the way home tonight, stop at Kohl’s and pick up a new wardrobe. You can probably do the whole shebang for under $500 bucks. Shucks, have you seen this sport coat I’m wearing? Nice, huh? I got it there for $89 bucks. Oh, and while you’re at it get a Timex watch with a big dial so people will see that it’s a real Timex”.
“John, ………….you’ve got to be kidding! I’ll arrive there looking like Joe Six-Pack”! “That’s right Rick. When you go before Barney Frank and his gang of hypocritical thugs, they’re going to look for anything they can find to beat you over the head with. You want to go before them dripping with humility and sincerity. If you’re going there to beg, then look like a beggar. Also, before you go in there loosen your tie, slop a little coffee on your shirt, muss-up that expensive haircut, and rub a little salt in your eyes. You want to look like you’ve been working frantically day and night to find solutions to this mess”.
“Is there anything else, John? Please tell me it doesn’t get any worse than this”? “Yeah Rick, that reminds me, I had the CFO shut down the suite at the Ritz-Carlton in D.C. You’ll be staying at the Motel 6 over by the zoo. I got you a room right next to Ron Gettlefinger. You and he can have a continental breakfast in the morning and share a cab over to Capitol Hill. So, what do ya think”?
Ka-thud! “Rick? Ricky Boy? Rick, ya still there? Hello! Come back to me Rick! Hello! Hello!
“OK, so what can I do for you today Rick”? “Well John, when GM’s board of directors hired you as the Director of Common Sense, they made it mandatory that anyone in the company with a total compensation of $1 million or more per year run everything past you for approval”.
“Well, first of all, how are you planning to get there Rick”? “As usual, I’ll go down there in one of the corporate jets”. “No, I don’t think so Rick”. “What do you mean you don’t think so John”? “Well, yesterday the CFO stopped by my office whining about the cash flow problems. One of the things I told him to do was to sell all our aircraft on EBay and fire the pilots and crew.
“You mean, you mean……”? “That’s right Rick, you’ll have to fly commercial”. “Yikes! I haven’t done that in decades! How does that work these days? Do they still have 1st Class seating”? “Not for you Rick, I’ve already got your tickets. You’ll be sitting in Coach, seat 27-C, just behind the wing. You’ll also have a one hour lay-over in Newark.”
Long pause. “Hello Rick, you still there”? “Yeah John, I’m still here. Is there anything else you want me to do”? “Yeah Rick, listen up. There’s some things I want you to leave behind. Do NOT wear your William Fioravanti suit, or your A.Testoni shoes, or your Dolce & Gabbana silk tie, and shed that Cartier diamond-encrusted watch for Pete’s sake”.
“Now Rick, on the way home tonight, stop at Kohl’s and pick up a new wardrobe. You can probably do the whole shebang for under $500 bucks. Shucks, have you seen this sport coat I’m wearing? Nice, huh? I got it there for $89 bucks. Oh, and while you’re at it get a Timex watch with a big dial so people will see that it’s a real Timex”.
“John, ………….you’ve got to be kidding! I’ll arrive there looking like Joe Six-Pack”! “That’s right Rick. When you go before Barney Frank and his gang of hypocritical thugs, they’re going to look for anything they can find to beat you over the head with. You want to go before them dripping with humility and sincerity. If you’re going there to beg, then look like a beggar. Also, before you go in there loosen your tie, slop a little coffee on your shirt, muss-up that expensive haircut, and rub a little salt in your eyes. You want to look like you’ve been working frantically day and night to find solutions to this mess”.
“Is there anything else, John? Please tell me it doesn’t get any worse than this”? “Yeah Rick, that reminds me, I had the CFO shut down the suite at the Ritz-Carlton in D.C. You’ll be staying at the Motel 6 over by the zoo. I got you a room right next to Ron Gettlefinger. You and he can have a continental breakfast in the morning and share a cab over to Capitol Hill. So, what do ya think”?
Ka-thud! “Rick? Ricky Boy? Rick, ya still there? Hello! Come back to me Rick! Hello! Hello!
