When Being Right Is Wrong

I’m sure at least once in your life you’ve heard the expression, “Discretion is the better part of valor”. I’ve long since learned (the hard way) that being right is OK, but pointing it out slowly and thoughtfully will serve me well. That is, if it even matters.

Whenever my wife and I have a disagreement, I always get the last word in! “Yes, Dear”. Of course, I smile when I say this and whatever the issue was seems to deflate. If it’s something that warrants further discussion, I’ll wait for a more appropriate time to bring it up again.

A few years ago I attended a specialty printing trade convention in San Diego. It’s held each year in a different location around the country. At these gatherings there is always an obligatory round of golf to be played. Actually, even though I’m not much of a golfer, I enjoy these outings just for the social aspect. A lot can be learned at the meetings and seminars, but the real education happens on the golf course.

If you attend these gatherings long enough, you get to know the other participants on a personal level. When people are comfortable with each other they are far more likely to share information and “trade secrets”. These relationships can be extremely valuable for building your business.

On this particular trip in October the weather was beautiful, except on the day we played golf. About an hour into the game the temperature dropped about 20 degrees, it began to drizzle, and the wind picked up. Most of us were ill-equipped for these conditions and it became rather miserable.

I was playing with a couple of guys that owned printing companies that were similar to ours. I had known them from previous conventions and had a good rapport with them. The fourth player in our group was the marketing vice president of a multi-national corporation that was a major supplier to our industry.

This younger guy was somewhat full of himself and didn’t do much to hide it. He was obviously foreign, but had mastered English quite well. His clubs were expensive and his game was pretty good. He was a stickler for playing by the rules and kept a close eye on us sloppy Americans.

Even though he had risen quickly through the ranks of his company and knew much about our industry, he obviously had no concept of how the “Bubba Network” functioned here in the States. It has nothing to do with nationality, ethnicity, race, or religious persuasion. It’s all about relationships that you cultivate over time.

By the time we finished the game it was almost dark and we were all cold and soaked with rain. All we could think about was getting a table near the fireplace in the pub and ordering some Irish coffee. As we were coming off the 18th green this young foreigner turned to one of my friends and said, “So, how is our product working for you”? Caught off guard, my friend said, “OK, I guess. I haven’t heard any complaints”.

“You’re not even using our product. You’re using another brand”, said the young man, practically shouting with anger. He might just as well have slapped my friend across the face with his glove and called him a liar in front of everyone. The effect would have been less damaging.

As it turned out, my friend was not a micro-manager and had turned production over to some very capable people. This freed him up to concentrate on growing the business. By then he didn’t know or even care what brand of product was being used in his plant. But, I do know what brand will NEVER be used in his plant.

I was reminded of this incident recently while attending a meeting. One participant corrected another participant over a trivial statement that was made on a subject that just didn’t matter. This was done in front of others. I could see that the person who had been corrected felt humiliated and angry by this.

This isn’t the first time the person doing the correcting had done this. This person doesn’t realize it, but by being “right” too often they are undermining their own ability to lead others in the future.

Growing up I heard the phrase “constructive criticism” far too often and was frequently the recipient of this malignant device. All criticism is destructive, Period!

I can tell you from personal experience that being right is not all it’s cracked up to be. I have learned to be wrong occasionally and I think others appreciate that about me.

Respect is something you earn and return. There are no shortcuts. You can drive cattle, but people prefer to be lead by someone they trust.